AE-et-al

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My brain is the writer's room for the worst show on television, and no one is taking any notes


Aelita β˜† Aether β˜† bird β˜† Glory β˜† Halara β˜† Izzabelle β˜† Karu β˜† Shun β˜† Silver β˜† Sunny β˜† and more!


You can use pretty much any pronouns for us collectively. Pinned post has additional info/specific pronouns per person.

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Today has also been pretty soupy, too. I'm not anxious but I am kinda just. Not All Here. I don't know who is at the front, so I've just...not been logging switches. I can't tell when they're happening, if at all. But it is very quiet. So I'm here by myself.

Emotional baseline is very...nothing. This doesn't "feel" like anyone (so not Aether, Aelita, Karu, or Fuwa), and "I" don't feel like "myself," so maybe it's not bird? But also "I" have been doing the whole "maybe I am faking it" thoughts. It's normal for your sets of emotions and likes/dislikes to change sometimes, right? Or at least that's a normal thing with...depression, maybe? I don't think I have SAD but sometimes I don't like it when it's grey and rainy like this (which is what winters are like where I live). I know Aether doesn't like this kind of weather, so he doesn't show up when it's cold.

But also that means that I can't write, or edit, since "I" do not have the ability to really concentrate or anything. Everything I write feels Bad, like things in chat, or posts like this. I have no appetite, and other things that are connected with being depressed, but without that crushing weight. It's like depression but the thing on top of me is hollow or made of foam. Like I feel I can break through it at any time, but I just...don't. There's clearly a mental something going on, but isn't there always? Isn't all of this "all in my head"?

Hopefully it will very clearly be bird fronting when I wake up tomorrow. There's Adult Stuff that needs to be done, and I said I was going to be social tomorrow, and I already paid for the thing so...I should probably go and do that.

-?



Yesterday was kind of a mess. I let Aether wikidive and was gone for a bit, then a bit later I got Horribly Anxious, so I took my meds and just sorta ??? existed. idk who was fronting, it was pretty blurry and I don't have much memory of it. My brain feels kinda half-off and I didn't eat a ton yesterday and today is cold and wet and I'm sure that's not helping with things.

I got a thing both today and tomorrow that is having me leave the house. And also I have the house all to myself, too. Sorry this is all a mess, my brain is pretty all over the place.

-bird?



Aether is a dragon, and he really likes reading about other dragons. Or watching stuff with other dragons. Or playing stuff with other dragons.

I, bird, am a writer (well, I'm not the ONLY one in here who is, but still), and I write, among other things, fantasy. The thing I'm working on right now has SOME dragons (two on screen) but they are not main characters or anything. And they probably never will be, even in future stories set in that world. It's mostly about some other kind of magical creature. The next two books I want to write are also fantasy, and also about things other than dragons.

But Aether wants me to write about dragons soooo bad. If not put him in there, explicitly, like as a dragon god or something. But I have no ideas. What setting would this be? What is the conflict? Who else lives there? What are dragons doing to influence stuff??? I don't know.

I have written a fanfic with a dragon in it, and two flash fiction pieces, but those are very short and I'm thinking "idk generic fantasy" as the setting. So it kind of doesn't matter. And idk if I want to expand those into something else.

This isn't something I have to figure out NOW, I have tons of time as a writer to make things, but he IS bugging me about it. And doesn't want to wait for results. He'll just have to suck it up



Did a little meditation last night to get into the right headspace to talk to Aether. He doesn't know anyone else who's in here, but he DOES know that the ? person from yesterday is a thing. A little, probably, who's very scared and confused, and that bleeds over when they front. And Aether doesn't like that, either. He's not used to feeling feelings like that (and why should he? He's a big, scary dragon! Why should he ever be scared?) So I ended up comforting him, which I think might have been the first time that ever happened. And he appreciated that, which was very nice.

I also figured out today he stays verrrrry far away from my job. I have "an email job" (you know, you do meetings and write emails and chase people down instead of writing code or dealing with customers) and I'm in a comfortable position and I'm secure. I'm not afraid of getting fired or laid off. But I have been, both things, in the past, and that traumatized me very badly. I have ADHD, but I didn't realize it for a long time, so at the start of my career, I wouldn't write emails, call people, or make the things I was supposed to make. People would ask me for [x] or ask me why I haven't done [y] yet, and I would panic, and Aether would make some sort of lie for me...and it would never work out. Because emails have time stamps, and other people would say no, actually, I haven't talked to [me] about [thing] at all.

So, when I got my current job, I KNEW I had ADHD, and I had medicine, so I did everything I could to make sure I never fell behind. I would put all of my mental energy into being on top of things, and it was so tiring. I was trying so hard to remember everything. And so I think no one else ever really fronted then. Or if they did, it was when I was goofing off, or had down time. So whenever I get into "okay I need to make this thing, I need to write this email" mode, Aether runs off and wants nothing to do with it. Which is good, I do not trust him to write any emails for me lol, but it is a little lonely to be JUST me.

The times I do switch seem to be when I'm working from home, when the lines of "work" and "not work" blur more, and I can sit weird and not have to be dressed nice and can have whatever show I want on. But when I'm in the office, the environment (and how I have to act) is so different, it's just ONLY me.

This probably seems like a mess! But these help me figure things out, and it's a good exercise. Thank you anyone who reads these.


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